Honesty

Tonight I don't want to be pretty, I just want to be real and honest. In fact, that's how I always want to be. I don't know how, but I believe this lie and try to fix things, when I am still broken. Yes, tonight I am broken. I hate hiding it. I don't want to hide it anymore. There is hurt inside. There are fears and doubts and it's about time to let them out. My history and past are coming together, looking right at me. I look at what I did, what I accomplished and what I didn't accomplished, but wish I had. I look at where I am at, and where I want to be. Hm. Good question. Where do I want to be? Where is God really leading me to? Am I heading in the right direction? Why is it that I feel confused many times? Or, at least, I feel scared. Maybe that is a better word. I am scared. Scared to know what's inside of me. Scared to let the real me come out. And it's not that I don't. But see? Now I am doing it again. It's like a game. I pretend to be someone else. Someone perfect. And I feel so lost. I even feel lonely.
God, my prayer tonight is that you would come. I want to let the Holy Spirit work in me. I need you tonight, dad... I just need YOU.